Elizabeth Edwards, wife of former Kerry running-mate John Edwards, just recently told a gathering that her choices in life have made her more joyful than Sen. Hillary Clinton. Coming from a woman who has spent the better part of her life helping her husband get his hair untangled from the rear bumpers of ambulances, that’s saying something.

Here’s what Edwards said:

“She and I are from the same generation. We both went to law school and married other lawyers, but after that we made other choices. I think my choices have made me happier. I think I’m more joyful than she is.”

Now Elizabeth Edwards, fearing a life of having to pay a jumpy valet $20 to start her car for her every single morning for the rest of her life, has apologized.

How would you feel if you were Elizabeth’s husband. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Clinton, for saying my life choices have made me more joyful than you. I am in fact just as miserable, if not moreso, than you, and for this I apologize.”

I don’t think it’s any great stretch to say that Hillary Clinton isn’t a joyful person. This is a woman whose personality warms and comforts like a handful of refrigerated ball bearings down the front of your pants, and that isn’t the feeling you get from somebody who’s happy with their life.

Being unhappy makes the Clintons turn to lying — which is like “comfort food” for miserable politicians.

Why would somebody think that Hillary Clinton isn’t a happy person? When a “normal” person looks at her situation, it’s obvious. What woman could be married to a licentious husband with zipper erosion and be joyful? What woman could make an impossible fortune on cattle futures and then whine about corporate greed without feeling a twinge of personal unhappiness, not to mention shame? 

What woman could order the rifling of “friend” Vince Foster’s office and trash it so severely that investigators falsely assumed that Guns N’ Roses had spent the night there, without having it suck a little joy out of life. Who could participate in a land scheme, actually, many of them, that screwed hard-working people out of their money without losing just a little glee from their existence? Who could be for abortion, then against it, then for it, then against it again to the point where fetuses start to think they’re ping-pong balls, and not have it sap some of the happy from their life?

Who? Hillary Clinton, that’s who. Maybe Edwards was right to apologize. Now that I really think about it, who’s happier than a criminal who gets off scott free time and time again?

“Apologize Elizabeth, or I’ll eat your liver with some fava beans, and a nice chianti…”
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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, my entire blog can be accessed at MensNewsDaily.

As you can see, some changes may already be in the works at CBS, but I have a better idea than simply dragging Walter Cronkite out of Martha’s Vineyard mothballs. The suits at CBS have already proven they’re willing to put on a blindfold and throw darts at a board, so perhaps they’re ready for this…

Sunday night on VH1, 7.5 million people wached the finale of “Flavor of Love 2,” the show where the founder of Public Enemy and apparent victim of genetic tinkering, Flavor Flav, goes on a hunt for the woman with the thickest beer goggles in the country.

The CBS Evening News with Katie Couric, after running first for a couple of days due to the tuning in of the curious, got about 7.3 million viewers per night last week, and about 2 million of those were people who were just way early for “Survivor.” Couric and the CBS Evening News is solidly back right where Dan Rather left it: in third.

Around 200,000 more people watched Flavor Flav than Katie Couric on any given night, and on cable no less. I do indeed hope that Flav is topping Couric’s $15 million salary, but I doubt it.

So, why not try Flavor Flav, CBS? This could go over better than my earlier suggestions for the ”CBS Evening Blog“ or considering former Iraqi Information Minister extraordinaire, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, better known as “Baghdad Bob,” to anchor the news.

Think about the possibilities. And there would be a built-in “60 Minutes” promotion in the entire newscast, since CBS could just replace the clock around Flav’s neck with a big stopwatch.

CBS needs to do something, because they’re certainly on the wrong, not to mention wildly expensive, track now. And we thought there would never be a sequel to “Waterworld.”

“Comin’ up on ‘Eye on America,’ that Mark Foley is one messed up mo-fo, yeah boyeee!"
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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, my entire blog can be accessed at MensNewsDaily.

Tyson said he once thought black Republicans were “sellouts.” Coming from a person who made a living in professional boxing, that’s saying something. Tyson is on a boxing exhibition tour, during which he made headlines because he says he may fight women — presumably minus the mace this time.

Promoter Don King is also campaigning for Steele:

While Tyson was touting his show, Tyson’s old promoter, Don King, was stumping for Steele in Maryland around a Largo shopping center and Baltimore.

Both boxing industry celebrities, despite their differences — Tyson has blamed King for upending his career and sued him for $100 million in 1998, later settling for $7 million — carried the same message: African-Americans shouldn’t reflexively vote for Democrats.

So, will the endorsement of Tyson and King help, hurt, or be indifferent to Steele? Well, Steele certainly can use all the “fight” he can get. No Republican has won a Senate seat in Maryland for 26 years, but Democrats are nervous for various reasons:

Maryland has the highest percentage of African Americans of any state outside the South, and, apart from Steele himself, blacks have been conspicuously missing from its top ranks of elected officials.

Therein lays Steele’s opportunity as the candidate of black fulfillment.

Some black Democrats were chagrined when Cardin defeated a black candidate, former Rep. Kweisi Mfume, in the party’s primary.

Referring to the historic scarcity of blacks in top Maryland offices, Steele said, “Does that translate into votes for me? I don’t know. That’s my job to convince them that I’m worth the risk in November.”

Prince George’s County, with a two-thirds African-American population, is the state’s second-biggest source of Democratic votes. It is also Steele’s home turf and he told me Saturday he hopes to get 35 percent of the vote there, about 15 points better than GOP candidates historically have performed there.

And everybody knows Mike Tyson and Don King. In spite of their baggage, this quick jolt of exposure via an endorsement by two well-known personalities won’t hurt Steele, who already has a bigger campaign war chest than his opponent, Democrat Rep. Benjamin Cardin. Frankly, some Republicans could use a little more of a “street fighter” mentality at this time of year.

If I were Steele, I’d play it for all it’s worth by standing on stage, raise hands with Tyson, and asking “are you better off than you were four ears ago?” There’s a terrific campaign t-shirt idea in there somewhere.

Here’s Michael Steele’s website. Pitch in a few bucks if you can. Black Republicans give Democrats symptoms of amoebic dysentery, so let’s join Mike Tyson and Don King in the ring for this fight. This is one election Republicans want to be accused of Steele-ing.
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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, my entire blog can be accessed at MensNewsDaily.

The ACLU is representing a woman in suing Neil Armstrong Elementary School near Indianapolis because they offer an optional Bible class, and her son chooses not to attend. What’s the big deal? Well, the mother says the poor little fella feels left out and there’s nothing else to do, so it’s lawsuit time! Some days the jokes write themselves. 

Next up? My best guess: A lawsuit seeking to get Neil Armstrong Elementary to change its name because the kids will feel really bad if they don’t grow up to be astronauts. 

With parents and activists like we see in cases like this, I don’t think “shooting for the stars” career-wise is anything to worry about. This kind of guidance from the ACLU’s court of morons is destined to sentence the poor kid to a life of saying “do you want fries with that?” 

I wonder how many little lives the ACLU and idiotic parents have ruined by setting a horrible example via their namby pamby nit-picky pesky “the world revolves around me” B.S. 

If the ACLU were really interested in helping kids, they’d sue themselves into oblivion.

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, my entire blog can be accessed at MensNewsDaily.

You have to hand it to the Clintons — when they’re caught lying they can spin it into a nice story about their childhood. How sweet, in a pathologically deceptive kind of way.

For years, Hillary Clinton was going around claiming that she was named after the first person to reach the summit of Mt. Everest, Sir Edmund Hillary. This has been reported as “fact” as late as a week ago in the New York Times. It didn’t take long for somebody to notice that the numbers didn’t add up, and that was years ago. After being reminded of the lie, yet again, Hillary has recanted the claim via a sweet story of family history with this explanation:

For more than a decade, Sen. Clinton’s informal biography repeated the story, and it was recounted in former President Bill Clinton’s 2004 autobiography, “My Life.”

The problem with the tale, however, is one of timing. Sir Edmund and his Sherpa guide, Tenzing Norgay, became known to the world only in 1953, after becoming the first men to reach Everest’s summit. Sen. Clinton was born in 1947.

What’s the explanation? You can almost smell the apple pie cooling on the window sill of the asylum as Hillary’s spokeswoman explains:

“It was a sweet family story her mother shared to inspire greatness in her daughter, to great results I might add.”

Good Lord, even her parents were liars. Nah, what’s even more pathetic is that Hillary gets caught doing what she does best and then blames her parents for lying to her. She’ll stop at nothing. If this explanation doesn’t work it’ll be the Pope’s fault, then Bullwinkle, then the boogie man, then brother Hugh.

One must wonder why the esteemed Senator and oft described “smartest woman in the world” didn’t bother to do the math of the Sir Edmund Hillary vs. her name until… yesterday? But that’s the whole modus operandi of the Clintons. Lie, lie lie, and when caught, spin, spin, spin, and keep spinning until you’re mistaken for a merry-go-round.

You can spot a pathological liar easily, because they’re the ones who lie about things that don’t really even matter. Why did Hillary choose to lie about being named after a mountain climber? Did this gain her any votes? Is there an enormous mountain-climber voter bloc she was wooing? Doubtful. No, it’s just the way she is. Asking why the Clintons lie is like asking why a dog licks his balls.

The Clintons shine as “team pathological liar.” Who says they never do anything together? When we hear Hillary say (or, more accurately put, her spokeswoman per her instructions) with a straight face and unapologetically no less, that lies can “inspire greatness,” the terminal level of the illness becomes apparent. The cattle futures profits, the stolen White House china, the missing FBI files, crooked land dealings, all of it, is done to “inspire greatness.” If we all strove for such greatness, there wouldn’t be enough prisons to hold us.

Criminals in the United States may have a new plea option here. One that claims their crime was caused by bogus information given them by their parents to “inspire greatness” — which ended up inspiring robbing a bank or cheating on taxes to attain said greatness: The Hillary Defense. So named, of course, after Sir Edmund Hillary.

“What else did mother tell you, Hillary?”

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, my entire blog can be accessed at MensNewsDaily.

What a ride it’s been, ladies and gentlemen! There are 100 million more people in the United States now than there were just 39 years go, and there’s more to the reason why than just Shawn Kemp.

I see we’re just about to arrive at this historic moment. One final push and…yes! The 300 millionth person is here! There’s the slap on the bottom and some crying. That’s always a good sign. He appears to be a healthy, bouncing male. What a glorious moment. High-fives and jubilation all around! The crowd is going nuts — let me see if I can make my way over to be the first to talk to the 300 millionth person in the United States.

Excuse me, excuse me. Hello! Congratulations on being the 300 millionth person in America!

Gracias.

You’re welcome. You must be thrilled to be here.

Si.

Tell me, there were many who said you couldn’t or even shouldn’t do it…

Patrulla de fronteras y Congresista Tancredo?

Well, not just the border patrol and Congressman Tancredo, but the people who are concerned that there are already too many people in the United States, many not here legally.

Eche lejos el Osmonds para hacer sitio.

Sure, I guess we could throw out the Osmonds to make more room.

Dónde encuentre Paris Hilton?

When do you meet Paris Hilton? Well… I don’t know if you can…

Todos obtiene sexo con ella.

Uh, I’m not sure everybody gets to sleep with her. Let’s get back on point. Tell me… America wants to know, what will you do next?

Cuál manera ningún costo médico cuidado?

Where’s the free medical care? Well, there’s a hospital over there…

Cuál manera a la oficina del bienestar?

The welfare office? I suppose there’s one in town.

Dónde está la educación libre?

Which way to the free education? If you call the United States government and they’ll be more than happy to help you and your family.

Gracias. Venga en niños! Adiós periodista…

And there he goes, with his … six … seven … eight children in tow, off to grab hold of the American dream! I don’t think there’s a dry eye in the house right now. We can’t know for sure if those are tears or remnants of the Rio Grande, but in any case, we welcome the 300 millionth person in the United States! Actually, I’ve seen about 50 walk by just during this interview, so we’re now well over that number by now.

Join us in July of 2007 for the arrival of the 400 millionth person in the United States! We’ll see you then!

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, my entire blog can be accessed at MensNewsDaily.